samson

Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day, long ago, the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. The love between the Venusians and Martians with open arms. The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together and sharing together. Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets, and that were supposed to be different. And one morning, everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day, men and women have been in conflict.

The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks, or he listen for a few beasts, assesses what’s bothering her, and then he proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-it hat and offers her a solution to make her feel better. No matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening, he doesn’t get it, and he keeps doing the same thing. She wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions.

The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him to improve the way he does things. She forms the Home Improvement Committee, and he becomes her primary focus. No matter how much he resists her help, she persists, waiting for an opportunity to help him or to tell him what to do. She thinks she’s nurturing him, while he feels he’s being controlled. Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their sense of self is defined through their ability results. Achieving goals is very important to Martian, because it’s the way for him to prove his competence and thus feel good about himself. And for him to feel good himself, he must achieve these goals alone, by himself.

To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own. Men are very touchy about this, because the issue of competence is so very important to them. However, if he truly does need help, then it’s sign of wisdom to get it. In this case, he’ll find someone he respects and then talk about his problem. Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice. Another Martian feels honored by the opportunity. Automatically, he puts on his Mr. Fix-it hat, listens for a few beats, and then offers some jewels of advice. This Martian custom if one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when a woman talks about her feelings or about her problems.

“這世界上誰是最愛你的人？“父親開玩笑地問我。”“媽媽。”我也開玩笑地回答他，其實我很清楚父親是最愛我的人。這便是我整個童年日複一日從父親口中聽到的問題，父親對我百般關愛，以各種不同於其他成年人的“典型”方式偉達著他對我的愛。

父親工作非常努力，有時甚至可以說是太努力了。但我在需要他的時候，他總是在我身邊。比如說有個星期天（那天父親要上班），我在一個朋友家裏，我打父親的手機，問他能不能到朋友這兒接我。“當然可以。”他說。

表現愛的典型方式是和語言直接傳達給對方，或是為所愛的人買東西，但我的父親卻不是那樣。我小的時候我得叫父親起床，告訴他：“爸爸，我餓了，可以給我弄點吃的嗎？“當然可以，這有什麽問題。”他會很高興地回答我。下一句話一定是：“一塊牛排，幾個雞蛋怎麽樣？”我不顧肚子餓得咕咕直叫，還是說：“我也不知道，那樣會不會太麻煩了。”父親會說：“不用擔心。”晚上睡覺前他會到我的房間，問我：“嘿，本金引擎，睡覺前來杯茶怎麽樣？”我一度很討厭他那麽叫我，而不叫我的名字本傑明，但是現在回想起來，他並不是有意想惹惱我，而是用他自己的方式表達他對我的愛。

周六或周日是父親唯一的一的休息日，他會走到我跟前對我說：“來玩會兒板球怎麽樣？”好啊，太棒了。“我興高彩烈地回答說。有時候，他太累了玩不了，還是會說：”好的，我來玩。“母親便會來把我叫到一邊，告訴我父親太累了不能玩，但他又不願拒絕我。對於我，不管過去還是現在，他總是有時間的。

隨著時間的流逝，我長大了，少年時期總是渴望著獨立，那些跟食物有關的問題對於我而言只是小孩子的遊戲，是很愚蠢的想法。父親還是到我房間問我：“睡覺前來點買羅高粱怎麽樣？”“謝了，不必了。”我氣沖沖地回答他，全然不去想他這麽做的背後是對我深切的關懷。

回想起來我對父親的態度是有點強硬的。他不想讓我心煩，只是用他自己的方式在表達愛。最近我由於體力不支生病住院，他工作辛苦一天後，下了班七點鍾到醫院看我，一直陪我待三個小時，十點才離開醫院，回家吃晚飯。“爸爸，我很高興你陪著我，但是你也得休息呀。”我鼓勵父親道。“不要擔心。”他很高興地回答我。他不上班的時候就會過來陪我一整天。“來，給我個微笑。”他鼓勵我。“爸爸，我這會笑不出來。”我說。他便開開玩笑地說：“就笑一個，我不多要。”這讓我得笑了起來。

寫這些是為了感謝世界上所有的父親，但我要特別感謝我的父親。在我很累的時候，在我還不會做飯的時候，他是那個就算夜裏很晚了也願意為我做飯的人；他是那個在我最需要的時候願意守在我床邊的人；他是那個不願對自己兒子說個“不”字的人；他是那個叫我“本金引擎”的人。